Sunday, December 17, 2006

They don't serve breakfast in hell, but you get a decent wardrobe.

There's this Bebe commercial, I wonder if you've seen it. It features Mischa Barton. While I have no problem with the commerical itself, I mean it's not a great commercial or anything, but it doesn't bother me. What does bother me is the fact that Mischa seems to be alive in it. This is a problem for me because I thought she was dead. No really, I mean didn't she die in some really anticlimatic car accident back in like May?

The thing is, if Marissa Cooper died didn't Mischa pretty much die with her? Who is Mischa Barton outside of Marissa Cooper? Some vomit girl in the Sixth Sense who, I might point out, was also dead. I mean, Mischa Barton is totally dead right? Give me the evidence that refutes this. Maybe if she would have tried to do anything to distince herself from Marissa. I mean...same hair, same makeup, same useless non-expression expression. Hell she even has the same version of the Marissa Cooper Chanel bag and a Bebe commerical full of prom dresses. I mean really! How are they not the same person?

So I guess what I can get from this commercial is that heaven features a long limo ride to a series of red carpet appearences with numerous clothing changes throughout. Actually scratch that...Marissa Cooper totally went to hell.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Hey, it's a post about me.

On more final examination left on Monday. Tax law...yeah, shut up, you'll get yours.

So I'm going to my parents' on Tuesday and my exam is at 1:30 on Monday (til 4:30). I'm going to try and get all my Christmas shopping done on Monday night. Quite laughing! It's totally possible!

So yeah, I guess that makes me an optimist. Still, there is nothing I love more than some power shopping. It will be the perfect celebration for the end of exams. After two weeks of studying non-stop and 14 hours of exam taking Christmas shopping is child's play. I'll be taking some bitches out! See how I just went all gangsta? Yeah...don't mess with me!

So this post is pretty incoherent.

Sorry, but I'm saving all my coherence for tax law.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Things I am tired of...

(In no particular order.)

1) The Fray song 'How to Save a Life' If you really know how to save a life then quit singing about it and do it. You are not the Rembrants. You ARE actually a good band, you don't have to ride the coatails of Grey's Anatomy.

2) The RAZR. No explanation really, I'm just sick of it.

3) Memoirs. To be honest it kind of freaks me out that this shit happens to people.

4) Tyra Banks. I am so over Tyra's "I am woman hear me roar" bit. She's worse than Oprah these days.

5) Jessica Simpson. Brit is back honey, we don't need you anymore!

6) Talking about race and sexual preference. Life's too short and the world is too big.

7) Bashing George Bush. It's just gotten too easy people.

8) The color pink.

9) The Real World. Lets face it, nothing new is going to happen on that show. Call me when someone gets shot.

10) Birthdays. Did you know you have to get older every year?

Friday, December 01, 2006

Snow Day

So no class today. That's nice. In honor of the snow day much of the Midwest's students are enjoying, I thought I'd share a story.

I think I've mentioned before that up until high school I lived in a very small town (population 2000 or so). Snow days were a fairly common annual occurrence given that it usually snows a few times a year in the Ozarks and many of the town's students lived in rural areas outside the city limits that became inaccessible by bus during inclimate weather. The final decision as to whether school would be cancelled or not rested with the Superintendent of schools. A man who just happened to live right across the street from my family.

Early one winter morning my brother and I woke up to a white world. We were hoping for a snow day but it was a hard call, only a couple inches of snow. We camped out in front the tv, closings scrolling across the screen, visions of snowball fights instead of Math, English and History dancing in our heads. Still no word. My dad came in the back door chuckling.

"There's not going to be any school today kids," he said with a big grin on his face.

"How do you know," we protested. The TV says...

"I was out getting the paper and I saw the Superintendent checking on the roads. He came out of the house, up the driveway, into the street and promptly slipped and fell flat on his back. There's not going to be any school today."

And there wasn't.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Law School Quote of the Day

Courtesy of my Trusts & Estates professor:

"Anytime you have to modify the word legal with the word 'technical' you might want to look at creditor protection, because there is a good chance someone is getting sued."

Ah attorneys...making the world a better place one "technically legal" act at a time!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Slipping, slipping, slipping into the future

Time is no man's friend.

It is not within your control. You do not employ time it employes you, and it is quite the bastard boss.

It seems that time is always making fools of us. There is always too much or too little time. Never just enough. Never the perfect amount of time.

The Bible says that there is a time for everything but note that it doesn't say there is enough time. It may be time to reap, but that doesn't mean that you will be able to finish the reaping before its time to sow.

Time sucks because it always makes us feel like we are laboring through life. If we waste it we feel guilty. If we lose it we feel sad. If we enjoy it we wish for more. Time is insufficent. It leaves us wanting.

See we are fools. Fools for living life under the perameters of a concept with we created only so that it could torment us. Fools for letting things we can't control dictate our lives. Fools for putting stock in minutes instead of relative quality of life.

From where I am sitting I can see three clocks. Twelve numbers all telling me what I should be doing and what I no longer have time to do and how long I have before there is something new I have to do. Numbers telling me how long I've wasted writing this blog entry.

There are so many ways to mark the passage of life and yet we are just sadistic enough to pick the one that's laughing its ass off at us.

Monday, November 27, 2006

A little late

So I thought I would do a post about the things I am thankful for. It's a little past Thanksgiving, but I figure it's always a good time to be appreciative of the things that make life nice.

Things I am thankful for...

1. Television

Seriously. Thank God for TV. I am so happy to have escaped covicts, genetically evolved superheros, regular superheros, lostaways, dramatic highschoolers, rich dramatic highschoolers and much, much more at my fingertips. I think if I had to choose between television and running water it would be a toss up.

2. Breaks

I hear we in America take a lot less vacations then everyone in the rest of the world. That doesn't really make sense though b/c we are still the laziest and fattest nation in the world. How does that work? Maybe it has something to do with the above. Screw it, who cares, this post is supposed to be about thankfulness.

3. Latinos, the Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Italian and Thai.

Where would we be without ethnic food? Imagine if all we had to eat was burgers, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes. Okay well it sounds bad to me.

3 and 1/2. Peppers

I am thankful for peppers because I hate bland food.

4. A boring family

I'm glad we are boring b/c that means we are doing well and are happy. It may be more exciting to have a family who yells and fights and chases each other with the carving knife but I'll take my nice boring family.

5. Jesus

If all he did was give us Christmas that would be enough, but the whole salvation thing was really the icing on the cake.

6. The Internet

It killed wonder and I now happily have a lot more time to think about other stuff. Like celebrity break-ups and how hot Johnny Depp is.

7. Laws

Because someday I'm going to make a lot of money helping others circumvent them.

8. The Mall

Because shopping makes everything all right.

9. Politicians

Because without them my family would only have Religion to talk about at the dinner table. Believe me you prefer the political discussions.

10. Frat Parties

Without them my parent's love may never have blossomed and I might not exist.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Things they are a changing

Lets begin at the beginning. I'm a Republican. I don't hate Donald Rumsfeld. I don't hate George Bush. I do hate some of things George Bush does and a lot of the things he says. I don't think he has done a bad job in office at managing things such as the economy and the war. I do think he has done a very poor job managing relationships such as those with foreign countries and the American people.

I would argue that, up to this point, the fallout from the Bush administration (for the American people) has been largely theoretical. This is partly predicated on my belief that Iraq has been reasonably well managed according to what my expectations were, now this argument falls down in light of the expectations of a large part of the American public. What I'm saying is that I don't necessarily consider the death of American soliders fallout from mistakes made by the Bush administration, but rather fallout from war. While death is always a tragedy and ripe topic for the blame game, I'm supporting the Bush victory track (commence argument regarding the impossibility, futility and irreverance of victory now). As I was saying...the theoretical fallout from the Bush adminstration: the downward spiral of the economy (not happening), the crumbling of the US due to national debt (time will tell), everybody hates us (maybe so but are you really feeling that on a personal level), ect.

The time of theoretical fall out has passed however, and we are now feeling the real fallout. And who is suffering for this? The Republicans (dems commence cheering, jeering and I-told-ya-soing now). So when it comes down to real, concrete, hard-felt consequences of Bush's terms in office, the Republicans are taking a good old-fashioned beating. Congressional incumbants such as Jim Talent and the numerous other congressmen whose seats where "picked-up" by Dems and Donald Rumsfled (who possibly deserves it) have been forced to take a bullet for good 'ole GW, while the former gets another couple years to redeem himself. He will step over the bodies of said sacrificial lambs and begin the Bush Administration Reinvention Tour 2006. Dems beware because this guy is a Pheonix rising from the ashes and he has convinced the public before. People are going to be partly pacified from the results of this election and if Bush can dig down deep and find his diplomatic side then they aren't going to be nearly as mad in 2008.

So on behalf of Americans Who Voted for George W. Bush I say:

To Republicans...I'm sorry but you did it too.

To are welcome.

To the American's hoping you are fickle enough to be pissed at someone besides us by the time you cast your next ballot.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

An Open Letter to Lost (Spoilers)

Here's the thing lost. I hope you are as smart as I think you are. If not, I'm going to be very disappointed.

Let me start by saying that we all know how to get Jack to perform a surgery he doesn't want to. We all know how to get Jack to do anything he doesn't want to do. Point a gun at Kate's head. Simple. Direct. 100% effective.

So, Lost, if you expect us to believe that Ben needed some elaborate "get Jack to like us" plan you are woefully underestimating our intelligence. What do they always say in psychological thrillers? The good are always so predictible.

This brings me to the second thing I would like to say Lost. If you think I'm buying the whole Ben bad, Juliette good thing then you are cracked. If Jack is buying it then he deserves a swift kick in the ass. Like anything is ever how it seems Lost.

That is all.

p.s. If Juliette really wants Jack to kill Ben she should just put a gun to Kate's head. Eureka!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

You can't make this crap up

A homeless person got mugged down the road from the University yesterday. A homeless person got mugged! A homeless person!

This is the kind of shit that happens in the most dangerous city in the world. I mean come on! I'm just saying.

In other crime news...Prison Break was ridiculous last night. Could this show get any less realistic? I love it so much!

This is a non sequitur.

As I've mentioned I have tax law this semester. You gotta give the IRS credit for the things they catch people doing. Even though they only catch like 10% of tax-evaders it is definitely not a piece of cake, what they do. They are good at getting people for stuff you would think is hard to track. I won't be committing tax fraud anytime soon.

Monday, October 30, 2006

No such thing as bad publicity?

How does it feel to live in the most dangerous city in the country?

Not good. Not good at all.

It doesn't feel good that my dumb ass decided to rest itself in the least safe place in the United States of America.

I can tell you one thing, the 'rents are not going to take to this news at all.

My mom was just telling me how good the World Series win was going to be for the image of the city. I hope the city enjoyed its day of good publicity.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

It's beginning to look slighly a little more like...

Home Alone was on TBS today. I'm not counting this as the first Christmas movie sighting of the year, but it is definitely a sign or some type of foreshadowing. It's an omen that How the Grinch Stole Christmas is on the horizon. It's like hearing an owl hoot in the daytime or whatever other creepy sign or legand tells you something horrible is coming.

It's the GRIM! (Harry Potter reference, please feel free to ignore.)

So we are now on high alert. We are orange, or whatever color it is that is bad. Constant Vigilance! (Sorry more Harry Potter.)

Also the movie Prime. Love it. It makes you want to be in a relationship with the wrong person so you can have that whole I love you enough to walk away thing going on. So dramatic.

I saw The Prestige this weekend. Very good, but once again Scarlett Johansen adds nothing to a movie. I just don't get her acting career. It seems like she takes every role that comes along and most of the time it should be some nobody playing the part that she decides to take for some unknown reason. I just IMDBed her to see if she's even been in a good movie and found out that she was in Home Alone 3. How ironic is that? In case you were wondering she has been in some good movies (In Good Company) to which she contributed nothing and some bad movies (Match Point) to which she contributed a lot. So to recap she plays unimportant roles in good movies and lead roles in bad ones. I guess this is why I have been convinced that I like her although after I see her movies I always wonder where i picked up that notion. Sounds like Ben Affleck.

I think Christian Bale is one of my new favorite actors. I loved Batman Begins and he was great in The Prestige. And then of course he was The American Psycho, which you were bound to forget until someone reminds you. Then you are like, "Damn, why am I at all surprised I like him?" Or maybe that's just me.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

A prison for your mind...

Yes I've been watching the matrix again, so sue me...

Moving on.

I took a trip for fall break to beautiful Nashville, Tennessee. While I could say a lot about my trip, I will leave it at this: everyone should be so lucky to go for a drive through Kentucky and Tennessee when the leaves are changing. (Not that Missouri leaves aren't nice.) When I take a drive like that I can't believe that there are people that live places with no trees, no space and no open air. Also I can't believe that they would think I'm crazy for loving life in good ole' Missoura. I guess it's all about perception. I'll also say that Nashville is probably my favorite "city". Far superior to Saint Louis, but I guess it figures that I'd like a place where music pretty much grows up from the ground.

It is almost November and that means we have reached the holiday season people. Christmas is a mere two months away, fall semester is winding down, and the Cards just won the world series. Life is pretty positive right about now. I'm not even suffering from a case of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), even though it has been cold, rainy and dreary for days.

It's also election season, which is proving to be a interesting mixture of intriguing and annoying. I wish somebody would get Rush Limbaugh a muzzle. Conservatives are getting to be like Christians, we can hardly rise up for those in our membership dragging us down. (Also talking to you Mr. Foley-- thanks a bunch.) Thank God for the radical Muslims doing thier part to make us look a little less like fascists. Luckily America has a massive superiority complex so they can tolerate it in thier political parties. I did catch a Rumsfeld press conference the other day that was beautiful to behold. The sadistic side of me loves how he gets up there and spends the entire time ridiculing the press to thier face. If we can't get substance then I guess it's nice to have some amusement.

I'll be on the lookout for the first How the Grinch Stole Christmas of the season. Last year it was Nov 12th, but I have faith that record can be beaten.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The mystery continues...

We had a moment of silence for the law student who died over the weekend (see post below for backround) in my first class today. It was good for the teacher to acknowledge the loss, but she did it at the beginning of class which was kind of a mistake. People were walking in a couple seconds late to a classroom full of absolute silence and bowed heads. That would be freaky, I have no clue what I would have thought had I been one of them. I do think I would have had the presence of mind to remain quietly at the back of the classroom until action resumed. This one chick just busted right in and stomped over to her seat and slammed her bag down, you would think she might have caught on that something serious was happening. Anyway, it's hard to honor someone you know nothing about in a moment of silence. All I could think was, I hope he didn't commit suicide. Nice right?

No one has told us how he died yet, which kind of makes me think the worst. I'm a pessimist like that though.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Defensive Driving

Never heard the term Defensive Driving? Clearly you weren't raised in my home. Don't worry, I'm here to help you understand.

Basic Presumptions of Defensive Driving:
1. You are the only person on the road with adaquate driving skills. Everyone else only passed their tests through sheer luck or by sleeping with the examiner.
2. Everyone on the road is an idiot who is 1-2 seconds from ramming into you.
3. Defensive driving is the only thing standing between you and a horrible fiery death.

How to drive defensively:
1. Never trust a blinker. A blinker does not mean someone is turning. People don't know what they are for and use them wholly for thier own amusement. They also may be fascinated by the funny clicking sound it makes.
2. Never trust a green light. A green light does not mean go, it means pause and make sure that one last car isn't speeding through the intersection before proceeding. Contrary to popular belief, people do not let themselves be controlled by stoplights. To some people red simply means drive faster.
3. If there is a car stopped a crossroads to the street you are driving on, they are most certainly waiting for the opportunity to pull out in front of you. Slow down and poise your hand on the horn to fire a warning shot should they decide to move at all from thier standing position. Honk if they blink.

If you fail to untilize the basic tenants of Defensive Driving you will most certainly be involved in an accident. When you are it will be your fault. Even if the officers on the scene assess that it was the other driver's mistake that caused the collision, your father will most certainly say, "You should have been driving defensively."

itunes, we need to talk

I think there has been a mistunderstanding. See itunes, a while back I decided to make a mix CD of songs that I liked back in high school. What can I say, I thought it would be fun. Anyway, my friends and I had a blast singing along to it on a roadtrip to the lake and it's a fun throwback to the days of yore. Here's the thing itunes, just b/c I made a mix CD of 90's music doesn't mean that I'm the world's biggest fan of Shawn Colvin, The Smashing Pumpkins and Verve Pipe. Seriously itunes quit giving me recommendations to this music. "Based on your purchase of 'Sonny Came Home' by Shawn Colvin we think you might like Jewel." I don't like Jewel itunes. No one likes Jewel anymore. So just stop. I've bought lots of good music from you. Entire CDs of music that highlights my superior tastes. Okay so I bought one Paris Hilton song. Why do you have to focus on the negative itunes? Stop judging me! I think you need to leave now.

I guess Tim McGraw was right...

So today in Evidence class I'm checking my email and I have a message from the Dean of Students about a 2L that died over the weekend. I don't recognize the name of the student so I decide to look him up in the online student directory, which has pictures. When I see the picture I realize that it's the guy that sits beside me in that very class (obviously he's not there today).

All I could think about was how much it would suck to die after spending the last year and a half in law school. What a waste of the last 1.5 years of your life.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sound Off

Things that are bugging me this week(end):

1. Sports

I know people like to watch sports on TV, but I am not one of those people. Sometimes I will watch football (when the Superbowl is on). Anyway the stupid playoffs for stupid baseball, my absolute least favorite sport (seriouly baseball is so freaking boring-anyway), are interfering with the FOX television schedule. FOX is taking half their shows off the air for several weeks so they can show baseball playoffs. You know what annoys me most about baseball? All the dang games they play. What is with the "series" obesession. Just play one game, see who is the best, and pull the trigger on this damn thing already. Then you could have your precious playoffs on the weekends and leave my televsion shows alone. Baseball is selfish. You don't see other television programs coming on day after day all interruping everything and selfishly monopolizing WEEKS worth of television.

My second major problem with sports concerns St. Louis Blues hockey, which takes it upon itself to interupt my television watching on the WB (now CW) during its season. This is especially annoying because they don't put the shows on hiatus but relegate them to Saturday afternoon at 5p.m. or something like that. Something is always going on Saturday afternoon and you always forget that the show got moved and then you miss it. Saturday at 5 p.m. is an open spot for a reason. Damn you hockey! The thing is NO ONE cares about St. Louis Blues hockey. No one. If I did care about it I could probably buy a ticket for like 2 cents and three peanut M&Ms and haul my happy ass down there to watch it live. Screw you St. Louis Blues, quit holding Gilmore Girls hostage on Saturday nights. Someday Lorelai is going to destroy you.

2. CNN

Okay you lazy bastards at CNN, I have a bone to pick with you too. What is with all the video news posts on the website. I log onto the main newspage to, you know, read about world events and shit and there aren't any articles. Just videos, lots of videos. Listen CNN I know it's primarily about the television for you, and I know you probably have a limited amount of people around there who can write but still. I'm pretty sure I heard that Anderson Cooper writes a blog, see he can write, maybe you could have him translate some of those videos into news stories. Too much work for a Vanderbilt? I see. Okay but seriously! I'm all for the option of see the video after reading an article for those visual learners and the illiterate, but I can't be watching a video for every little piece of news you have. I have shit to do. If I had time to go out there and just watch the news happen I wouldn't need you. Don't think I don't know why you put up those videos CNN, I do. I didn't miss that little commercial you always stick in at the beginning...advertising bucks. Still CNN, I'm all about the honest (?) dollar but you are pissing me off. You don' t want to piss me off CNN.

3. John Mayer

Oh, John Mayer, why did you have to become part of the problem? Did you really think encouraging sitting around and "waiting for the world to change" was a good way to go? Laziness and complacency John Mayer? This is your bright idea? Did you even think before you got out the pen and paper and put your misguiding words to a catchy, soulful tune? You are not Green Day. Please go back to singing about women, screwing up and disappointing you daddy. You know? Things you know about. Oh, except for women.

p.s. I love you don't take this personally.

The End.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Every coin has two sides...

The title to this post makes it sound like it's going to be deep. It's not...

So my grandma is a phenomenal cook (like most people's grandmas). She's German and she cooks awesome German food and also really good Italian (which is kinda wierd) but anyway. My mom and I have this little joke about her cooking. See my mom has all her recipes and will make her stuff from time to time but it's never quite as good (this is consensus I'm not busting on my mom). Anyway we always blame it on the pot. My grandma has this cast iron pot that she cooks pretty much everything in and we say that it has "the taste of 1000 meals." That is, every dish my grandma cooks has just a little bit of every other wonderful thing she's ever cooked in that pot. That's the extra ingrediant. That's why no one else can ever get it quite right. Even though I say it's a joke don't misunderstand me, we acutally believe it. When my grandma comes to help cook for Christmas she brings the pot...the pot is magic.

Now for the other side of the coin.

I don't like to heat beverages up in the microwave. I have a teapot and I use it to boil water even if I just need a cup. Why? The microwave has the taste of 1000 meals too. Everything you cook in the microwave tastes like everything else you've cooked in the a bad way. Everything you cook in the microwave tastes vaguely like hot dogs. Even if you've never cooked hot dogs in your microwave. Anyway I think beverages tend to soak the microwave taste up especially well. It's gross seriously. I'm not one of those microwave lovers. How long has it been since we invented a better way to heat up food anyway? Isn't it about time for the next thing? I'm ready.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A Simple Question

So you probably know more about the law than you think (unless you are one of those horribly annoying people who think you know everything, but really know nothing). If you've watched some Law and Order or Boston Legal or Ally McBeal or Judging Amy then you've probably picked up something along the way. When you get to law school there are definitely a few things that really are common knowlege. It's wierd too, because we have television and movies and maybe books (if you read John Grisham) to thank for that.

That being said the layman doesn't know anything about law. Seriously, repeat that to yourself. I know I just built up your confidence about knowing something and then I come along and stole the twinkle from your eye, but sorry it's the truth. While most people may have some idea of what a trial is like (probably romanticized) it would be nigh impossible for you to actually look up a law (it's relatively difficult to look up a statute on the internet believe it or not). Plus you wouldn't know what kind of law you were looking for and if, by chance, you found the right statute you still wouldn't know how to find the proper caselaw to actually interpret what it means and even at that point it can be pretty murky. This is not because you are stupid (don't get me wrong you may be stupid, I don't know, but a smart person would have the same problem). This is because the law is SO complicated.

In the same way I might say you know nothing about the law an attorney would say that I know nothing about the law and a older attorney would say he knows nothing about the law and a judge would say that the lot of us know nothing about the law, ect... It's just really complicated. What you might be able to infer at this point (if you've been following along) is that there are no simple answers in law. Got that? No simple answers.

At this point you might be thinking: What the heck is this post about anyway? What is your point or are you just trying to annoy me? Well get ready to feel like you just wasted five minutes because my point is: There are no simple questions in law either. Okay there is one simple question (to be answered at the end of the post).

Time and time again people will come to an attorney and say I just want know if this is legal. The answer to that question is always MAYBE. Maybe it depends on... You want an example. Question: "I just want to know if murder is legal." Answer: Was it in self-defense? (The answer to a legal question should always be maybe or another question). So yeah we all know it's illegal to murder someone but it is defensible in lots of situations so there you go. No simple question, no simple answer.

Are you ready?

Now for the one simple question...

"Can they sue me for this?"

Answer: YES. They can always sue you for that. They may not have a good case. It may be a waste of thier money and everyone's time, but someone can always drag your ass into court. Now how long it stays there...

Monday, September 25, 2006

Spirit Fingers Fin.gers n. (sprt)(fnggr): the act of raising arms over head and wiggling fingers enthusiastically; often assoicated with cheerleading, the movie Bring It On, and being a complete idiot; works well in conjuction with small squeal or whoop.

I have been known to utilize the spirit fingers. In the privacy of my own home, with no one around if I'm lucky. Spirit fingers are a great way to celebrate life's small victories. Finish a homework assignment? Characters finally get together on your favorite tv show? George Bush makes a speech without using the word evil? Spirit fingers! Use 'em or lose 'em people (not in public now don't get carried away). Spirit fingers are an instant pick me up. Like a Black-Eyed Peas song or Johnny Knoxville getting hit in the balls with a rubber bullet. User beware though, they can be dangerous if used improperly. Dangerous to your reputation that is. If you are one of those people who think they can't sink any lower. If you feel like you've hit rock bottom... bust out the spirit fingers in public. I guarentee you'll find out that you were wrong. The ridicule will show you where rock bottom actually is.

Try them out people you won't be disappointed. When you find yourself a more happy, contented and pleasant person you don't have to thank me. Seriously don't thank me because if I find out you are doing the spirit fingers I will make fun of you.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Oh great, another idiot taking to himself!

Attention all people with WiFi headsets for your mobile phone:

You are not that damn important!

What, do you need your hand free to carry a human heart? A biochemical weapon (like in The Rock)? The fate of the free world? No tool! You just want your hands free so you can gesture wildly and look like even more of an ass. "Ugh, these voices in my head are driving me CRAZY!"

Stop it!

You are also making the rest of us look like idiots. We, stupidly, think you are talking to us instead of thin air. We have entire conversations with you that make absolutely no sense before we realize you are busy having some uber-important conversation about how jiggly Jello is.

Now get that damn thing out of your ear!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

OMG could you be more...generic?

So do you like the makeover? And when I say you I have no idea who I am talking to.

Writing in this blog is comparable to talking to an infant or a pet. It's scary what you will say when you have a seemingly captive audience. Every so often I have to will myself not to go back and erase everything I've written on here, because I know at least half of it is complete shit. Hopefully we'll be looking forward to higher quality postings in the future. And by we'll I have no idea who I mean. I promise the inimitable collective "you" that I will try to be more sharp, witty and insightful in the future.

(The phrase "inimitable collective" is from a movie.) Does everyone feel like a tool when they quote movies or is it just me? I want to quote movies all the time, but I restrain myself. I think it might push me over the edge from "pretending to be normal" to "no one in their right mind would find this person normal." That line is my friend and if I ever lose my balance and fall to the other side I'm not sure I have the password to get back into Normal-Person's-Land.

I think my problem is I always feel the need to confess when I quote a movie. I just feel to guilty when I try to claim someone else's wit as my own. For the most part I could be getting away with it. It's not like I walk around shouting "you had me at hello!" Clearly I'm my own worst enemy.

Speaking of quotes I read one in a law book recently (shut up law books are all I have time to read). George Bernard Shaw said, "Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn." So quit scorning me people and leave me some comments. I've enabled anonymous posting so you don't have to worry about being in the witness protection program or revealing your secret identity. A girl needs some feedback.

p.s. The title is from Clueless. See!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

On my own

So I've been living alone for over a year now and I've been single for roughly 1000 years (or maybe it only seems like it). When you are single and living alone you begin to develop a lot of routines in your life. Everyone has a routine but it's very different when you live alone, because your routine is never really interrupted. You can always watch what you want on TV, eat when you want, sleep when you want, be as quiet or loud as you want, and you don't have to accommodate anyone else.

The line between alone and lonely has a lot to do with what you do with your time and how you keep yourself entertained and happy (especially in a new place with less friends and no family). So not only do you develop a largely uninterrupted routine, but it also becomes pretty important to you.

Sooner or later you are in danger of becoming massively self-absorbed. That's probably about the point when you finally meet someone and have to re-learn how to accommodate another person's needs and preferences into your life. It's pretty much life's sick joke.

I mention this because most of us probably don't picture ourselves alone for any significant portion of our lives, and then all of a sudden we are. You don't even notice that you are becoming totally ingrained in your specific way of doing things until someone comes over and folds a towel wrong or something. Then you are forced to realize that you are deeply, deeply single and that is very, very depressing.

Just try to remember all this the next time you are alphabitizing pop tabs from third grade by type of soda. Someday you might have to throw them away to make room for that special someone's collection of mint condition Pogs.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Today in Sad, Funny and Annoying...

Sad: Katie says Suri rumors "not okay." I wouldn't want people saying my baby girl was from the planet Zenu and fathered by a insane gay man either.

Funny: Hawaii either hates lost or LOVES traffic laws.

Annoying: Katie Couric. General rule: Katie Couric is always annoying.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Tax Law is boring and other obvious things

If you pay your sister for legal services by building her a green house it could be income or a gift or it could be that you are just being effing annoying to confuse law students for your own amusement.

I'm 100% positive that everyone cracked up when they heard the "crocodile hunter" was killed by a stingray. Then they reached the line about his 5 year old daughter and immediately felt bad about themselves. Just because it's sad doesn't mean it can't be funny.

It'd be pretty funny to have a baby on labor day.

People in my tax class are confused by the fact that a bank loan isn't income. Shoot me.

I read the people article on Jessica Simpson and John Mayer. The "friend"/source's last word on the subject was that Jessica had been burned by the "hot" guy in the past and is happy to be with a guy like John. Question: Is People calling John Mayer ugly?

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Not so Shocking

Along with the rest of the MTV generation I watched the VMAs tonight and I was reminded of how they used to close the show with a performance by Marilyn Manson. They did this at least two years in a row, right around the time that I started really watching MTV. I never particularly liked his music and I'm not sure that there were a whole lot of Gen Y-ers that did, but he had HUGE shock factor. Shock factor is really what MTV was built upon (oh and a bit of music). But it's really hard to shock us these days.

What is MTV to do now?

I bring this up b/c it makes me wonder if the world will spin back around and people will start pulling their inhibitions back in. It's probably more likely that there is something out there that will shock the hell out of me and I just don't know it yet. Which is pretty scary when you think about it.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Do I know you?

Sometimes I feel like I've met the same person a hundred times. Everyone reminds me a bit of someone else. It's kind of like--no two snowflakes are the same, but don't they all look pretty much alike when you look at them. It's good b/c maybe you can take a little bit about what you like in a lot of people and find it all in one person. It's bad b/c what if you find yourself liking someone for who they remind you of, but then they aren't that person.

Worse, sometimes I feel like I have been and am at least ten different people. Some people want a person that I'm not anymore, and that sucks because they won't get it. Some people want someone else's Girl Friday and they won't get that either.

It takes a very long time to see the whole of anyone but, in the end, that's what sets sets them apart from the pieces of everyone else.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Brotherly Man-Love

Girls love the brotherly man-love. We love brothers who love each other. Almost all the shows I watch regularly have brotherly affection as one of the main elements. One Tree Hill, The OC, Supernatural, and Prison Break...there is nothing better than a pair of hot and sexy brothers who get all choked up over how much they love each other. Prison Break is the king of this. I just finished watching the first season on DVD so I could be caught up for the Season Premiere and this show makes me say "awwww" for the brotherly love like no other. What makes it above the cut is that it has the bad boy brotherly love. Girls love us some hard asses that get all smushy over their brother. Now Supernatural is second in this b/c Dean is a pretty big hardass, but the problem with that show's "awwww" factor is that all the lovely man-love takes place in the middle of a little something called the corn factor of killing demons, ghosts and monsters. Doesn't keep my mom from asking me if that show with the hot brothers is coming back on this fall. Mom, watch out I'm coming for you over Christmas Break with the Prison Break Season One DVD. Now One Tree Hill and The OC come in distantly behind these two b/c they have the "new" brothers. New brothers are sweet, but they just don't love each other like the ones who hunted monsters together thier whole life. They don't have that break your brother out of prison love. I don't know what is about two beautiful brothers running across the prison quad during a violent riot, covered in blood and bruises, to embrace each other that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, but I'll take it.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Is Jesus hiding?

So Lance Armstrong doesn't believe in God. That's a really sad thing for religion. When someone who has had such a positive effect on so many people finds religion to be a negative influence...well, it's a problem. A truth of the times that the church doesn't acknowledge is that, in the eyes of many, it does not have a corner on goodness and morality. If anyone thinks that's a result of changes in society, they are dead wrong. It's the church's fault, as it continues to isolate more people with its message of judgement.

Christianity has strayed far from it's core of love and acceptance. The church is a fortress to keep out the homosexuals, abortionists, the promiscuous youth and those that believe they can make their own decisions. How recognizable is modern Christianity from from the Bible? Since when does the Bible pick and choose sin and condone persecution on that basis? I feel that we have strayed. Faith is personal and the church is making it paint by numbers.

I saw a t-shirt the other day. It said: If I have to find Jesus does that mean he's hiding? The church would have us believe they have him under lock and key. He's in the closet next to the drawer labeled morals. The truth is that belief in God has never been about being a good person. That's why you can't get into heaven with good deeds. So here we are back to faith, something you have to find in yourself, not hiding inside the walls of a church.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

It's not you, its myspace...

I did a speech in undergraduate about how leaving your cell phone at home is the psychological equivalent of forgetting to put on your pants. You just feel naked without it. You also feel like you are missing everything. These days it's more like having your hand actually cut off, because you will literally try to use it a million times and always forget you don't have it. But this entry isn't about cell phones. It's about myspace.

Nowadays not being able to check myspace is like not watching 90210 was in third grade. You feel like you missed everything, and everyone keeps saying stuff about myspace that you haven't seen yet. Myspace is making us all attention whores. We need instant feedback about everything. People actually send out bulletins about how they need picture comments or they updated their page. Should I really care that you have a new background on your page? Do you really need me to tell you that you look hot in that pic to feel good about yourself? I think we may be too connected if that is the case. I may need a chance to miss you.

My grandparent's literally can't comprehend the internet, but if they could they would probably think it was intrusive. Which it sort of is, I mean, what's the point of knowing everything about someone or what they are doing every single second of the day? I mean I have a blog, a facebook, a myspace, email, AIM and my cell phone rings countless times a day. Aren't I just at your beck and call? I think we need some space. No not MYspace just SPACE. Thanks.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Go Guard!

Why does an itunes download seem so much more valuable than an actual dollar? I got a card for a free itunes download last time I went to the movies, and I just spent like 10 minutes on the National Guard website redeeming it. Now if they would have told me they were going to send me a dollar for reading all this crap about the National Guard there is no way in hell I would have done it. So either I'm just an idiot, or itunes should be charging more than a dollar per song.

I have two more cards, but you can't redeem more than one in a 24 hour period. I guess we'll soon see how far the rabbit hole goes. Oddly enough I've never read Alice in Wonderland. I believe I just thought it was wierd when I was a kid. Which for adults it's obviously a satire, but for kids it's just supposed to be so crazy wierd it's fun. I never got that stuff when I was a kid. I guess I've always been hard to impress (except when it comes to itunes music downloads).

One thing I love is when kids movies can appeal to kids on one level and adults on a totally different level. To this day I LOVE Mary Poppins, but of course it's not even close to the same movie it was when I was a kid. It's wierd how your perception of something you've loved when you were young can change as you grow older. It doesn't really even have to be that drastic of a period of time. The first time I read Gone With the Wind in high school I was all about Ashley, now I love Rhett Butler. It makes me wonder how I would have felt about stuff as a kid that I didn't discover until I was an adult. Like Harry Potter. Would I have loved those books when I was ten? When I was ten I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder and Anne of Green Gables, and I still love both of those.

Did this entry start out about the National Guard? Sometimes I scare myself a bit. When I was a kid we had a picture window in our front room. I could sit in front of that window and stare out at the street thinking for much longer than I should have been able to. I wonder what would have become of me if I didn't have such a practical streak to pull my head out of the clouds?

Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Victimization of America

Hold onto your butts people, I'm going to attempt to write something worthwhile.

America repeat after me, "It is my fault. The choices I make, dictate the life I will have."

Trust me I'm in law school and I know all about EXCEPTIONS. I'm sure a few exist, but quit being difficult.

There is an episode of 'Friends' where Joey bets Pheobe that there is no such thing as a truly charitable act. By the end of the episode she isn't able to find one. In the same way, nothing will ever happen to YOU in YOUR life that YOU have no ownership in. Even if you walk out the front door and get hit by an asteroid, YOU chose to walk out the front door. You controlled that action, if not the consequences. Now that doesn't make being hit by an asteroid your fault, yet it also doesn't mean that you are WITHOUT fault in the act of being hit by an asteroid.

Working in the law field you learn that people love to be VICTIMS and hate to be RESPONSIBLE. I got fired because I'm a woman, I got carpal tunnel from the repetative movement at my job, and your reckless driving caused my whiplash. Which fine, I'm going to be a lawyer, I believe people deserve to be compensated for a legitimate injury. The problem is that people don't want to be COMPENSATED they want to PROFIT. They are not participants in the acts of their life, they are VICTIMS.

Law practice cultivated the beginnings of the victimization of America, but in the way of Dr. Frankenstien it has created a monster. A VICTIM with a sense of entitlement not only to be COMPENSATED, but to be MADE WHOLE. The man who's life path led him to a job that involves manual labor, can expect to be compensated for an injury sustained within the course of that job, but cannot be made whole for what that job has taken away from him. This man CHOSE to perform this work that is extremely hard on a person physically and emotionally. If a box wrongfully falls on his head then he can be compensated for that, but his employer CANNOT give him back the years of emotional and physical wear and tear that the job has caused.

We see this victimization and sense of entitlement seeping into all parts of society. Some Americans now believe that they DESERVE certain things such as a job, a home, or free healthcare. Yet all Americans have ever really been guarenteed is the FREEDOM to PURSUE these things. If mechanisms are put into place that allow all Americans to have these things, it is not because they are ENTITLED to them, but because society has been able to advance itself to the point that it provides for those that do not provide for themselves.

Make no mistake, there is no such thing as a VICTIM. What we term a victim is just someone who's choices have lead them to an undesireable outcome. A person who turned to the wrong page in the 'Choose Your Own Adventure' book.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Lady in the What?er

An M. Night Shyamalan movie is like a situation comedy in that it's always easy to spot where a good idea went wrong. Mr. Shyamalan needs to get together with the guy that adapted the screenplay for Chronicles of Narnia and learn the meaning of subtlety. He also needs to learn that a good idea, a movie does not make. I've noticed that Mr. Shyamalan has really good ideas that he a) doesn't develop enough b) develops too much in the wrong places. Lady in the Water was all over the place in every wrong way possible, but based on a really cool concept. The thing I've also noticed about his movies (which are, in case you don't know,: The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, The Village) are that they are all based on really simple popular concepts. First ghosts, then comics, then aliens (his "Oh wow, now I get it." movies) and most recently escaping and or fixing the defects of modern society. Lady in the Water is based on a movie you've seen a million times. Someone is going to change the world and doesn't know it. Ordinary people doing extraordinary things. We all love it. So, Mr. Shymalan, therein lies your story. You were the most important character in the movie and you didn't even know it.

Incidently Mr. Shyamalan is a pretty darn good actor.

On an unrelated note, I discovered Zach Braff's blog and it has done nothing to curb my obsession with him. It's a very good thing that Orlando Bloom doesn't have a blog also.


The best way to fool others is to fool yourself first.

Maybe everyone thinks they are smarter than most people. Maybe that doesn't mean I'm not.

If karma is for real then a lot of people owe me a lot of Saturday afternoons.

Introspection is a bitch, but people who can't acknowlege thier own faults should have their own island to live on. That way they can drive each other crazy, not me.

I probably shouldn't read What to Expect When You Are Expecting when I'm pregnant. I'm too much of a hypochondriac. Then again, I wonder if anyone has ever had all the symptoms possible before.

Am I the only one who finds the term 'Chick-Lit' demeaning?

I think there should at least be 'Dick-Lit' also. We all know women aren't keeping Tom Clancy in business.

If I decided to live in a cave for the next year could I avoid Harry Potter spoilers?

Does everybody feel like they were meant to do something important, or is it just me?

If someone believes thier own bull-shit is it still bull-shit?

Toes are wierd.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Some thoughts on Superman Returns (Spoilers Ahoy!)

People, Parker Posey cannot save your movie if you reign in her natural craziness.

Capes are sooo gay.

Glasses and a hetero hairdo a disguise do not make.

One completely selfless character per movie is about all I can take. Do you hear me James Marsden?

Where in the world is Kevin Spacey's screentime?

A kid with a trash can on his head cannot save your movie. A kid throwing a piano across the room comes pretty close.

Speaking of paino, chopsticks is a REALLY annoying song.

Don't you think Lex Luthor would have ripped Parker Posey's head off for throwing out those crystals?

Dogs that eat other dogs do not sit quietly in their owner's arms for the remainder of a movie.

Holy sequel set-up Superman (yes mom, I know that's from Batman).

Is it just me or for a really long movie did not much happen?

Peta Wilson is awesome! Please give her a bigger role in the sequel! Did you know her name in the movie was Bobbie-Faye. Does she look like a Bobbie-Faye? I think not!

I haven't seen so much blatant symbolism since Chronicles of Narnia.

World to Bryan Singer: We get it, Superman is our savior.

Oh and Mr. Singer while I have you here. Have you ever seen Star Wars? Have you ever seen your opening credits? I guess you failed to notice the similarity.

Superman Returns is to an epic movie as Eminem is to a black person.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Today in Sad, Funny and Annoying...

Sad: Nick and Jessica's divorce is final. Sad.

Funny: Hadji Girl. Have a feeling the response to this may get toward annoying though.

Annoying: Star Jones. At least when the heat dies down she won't have a daily forum for her annoying opinions.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Eye on the Prize

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the wonderful moment when I finally have a law degree, a job, and am freshly sanctioned to practice law by the Missouri Bar Association. I've been thinking about that golden age when I will be able to start real life. Real life = preparation is over and living has commenced. I'll save my musings on how weird it is that it takes roughly 1/4 of one's life to prepare for 2/4 s of one's life for a later time and for now will just say that I have been thinking about how I want a dog.

This is an odd thing, because I have always been particularly unfond of pets in general and dogs in particular. Lately, however, I've thought I might enjoy a very small dog. Small dogs have the benefit of making small messes and having small smells (two major pet deterrents in my opinion), and while I have always thought small dogs were generally extremely hyper, I have recently come to believe that temperment of the owner may have a lot to do with temperment of the dog. I am about as un-hyper as they come so this bodes well for pet ownership.

More peculiar perhaps is this sudden inclination to become a dog person. It is perhaps a sign that I am a bit lonley. A sign that, for the time being, I chose to ignore. I read somewhere that all single people should have a dog, because a dog makes you get up in the morning and no matter how you feel you have to take care of and be available for the dog. This rings pretty true for me nowadays. It's interesting to me that we often need others (human or animal) to keep us at our best. Many individuals are unwilling, unable or unmotivated to be at optimal levels only for themselves. As if we needed more proof that humans are social (political) animals.

Whatever the underlying reasons, I now find myself adding to the picture of my life in a way I never thought I would. Scary how these things sneak up on us.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

You are welcome!

A fellow blogger presents a question: What is the most important thing you've ever learned and how did you learn it?

Once you begin to think about it, this is clearly the hardest question that has ever been posed by man. Okay I may be exaggerating, but I think to answer the question in its current form is much too difficult or possibly much too simple. You can choose. Really, without any parameters to the question, the most important thing you've ever learned is probably something like how to speak, or walk, or read. So, in true lawyer form, I'm going to change the question to one I like better before I answer it.

What is the most important thing you've learned ABOUT LIFE and how did you learn it?

It's not quite as profound but it is far more managable. The most important thing i've learned about life I learned from my mother at a very young age and it is: LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

Now before you start crying like I did when I was five, I must insist you suck it up and accept this. It's true and it will help you. First of all it will help you not to be one of those damn whiners that everybody hates. Secondly, I have to tell you that becoming a hopelessly jaded pessimist now really saves time and disapointment in the future. Also, if you expect to get screwed over in life then you may be more willing to take responsibility for your mistakes. This will keep you from becoming one of those damn excuse-makers that everybody hates. Finally this knowledge may help you someday when you, as I have, decide to become part of the problem. I expect the knowledge that I'm manipulating a flawed legal system instead of corupting a good one will really help me sleep at night.

Now you all can say the most important thing you learned about life you learned from me.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Born & Raised in the Boondocks

I was raised in a small town in the Ozarks of Missouri. Cassville, population 2000, one school, two grocery stores, one fast food resturant until great place to grow up. By virtue of my small town roots I have had the pleaure of:

1. Attending a fish fry in a milk barn.

2. Attending a barn dance in a regular barn.

3. Playing in the woods.

4. Attending K through 8th grade in the same school building.

5. Have my Kindergarten teacher be my Sunday school teacher and my neighbor.

6. Having my father be several of my best friends' parents' boss.

7. Having seen the interior of a chicken plant.

8. Been in a car driven by a thirteen year old with parents' permission to do so.

9. Been to countless rodeos.

10. Been freinds with someone who goat ropes.

11. Been friends with an auctioneer.

I think most of these are experiences I wouldn't have had in a city. I have a special place in my heart for hick towns and good ole' boys.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Ode to Celebrity

What makes a King out of a slave? Celebrity! What makes the queen on the stage to wave? Celebrity! What makes the popstar change her bust in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the doctor guard her trust? Celebrity! What makes Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt the Seventh Wonder? Celebrity! What makes the paparazzi come up like thunder? Celebrity! What makes la-la land so hot? What puts the Id in Ridley Scott? What have they got that we ain't got?


You can say that again!

*adapted from cowardly lion speech from Wizard of Oz

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Things that "W" and K-Fed have in common.

Did you ever notice how much "W" aka President George W. Bush and K-Fed aka Kevin Federline aka Britney Spears' husband have in common?

1. Both have trendy, easy reference nicknames adopted by their critics.

2. Both like to nickname their homies.

3. Both have approval ratings of less than 35%.

4. Each has, at one time or another, been dubbed "America's Most Hated."

5. Both got their money from the south.

6. Each has corrupted something that was beautiful about America (Bush's accomplishments are too numerous to mention.)

7. Both have strong ties to the oil industry (K-Fed LOVES to hang out at gas stations.)

8. Both are good at starting things, but bad at sustaining them (W-the war, K-Fed-relationships).

9. Neither will make it past 2008.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Crazy little thing called Faith

When it comes to God, it takes more courage to believe than to not believe.

Unbelief is not difficult, depending on what you think about life and death it may be dangerous, but it is not, in my opinion, difficult. Logic, science, philosophy, popular culture- all support unbelief. Spirituality is a significant part of modern society, but traditional notions of religion- moral boundaries, hell, creation, and salvation- these are not popular. It makes sense not to believe in God, because belief really is so illogical.

It’s considered a bit embarrassing to be “religious” today. A certain naiveté is assumed in those who believe in God too completely or exclusively. Such closed mindedness is impractical and unacceptable,

For the modern-day, intelligent believer who finds it necessary to use logic and reasoning in everyday life, the bridge between logic and belief in God is faith. Faith is a matter of the heart, not the mind. Faith is the logic beyond logic that many do not think exists.

I think it is more logical to believe in what you know within yourself then what you can prove outside of yourself. For me, it is not logical or reasonable to defy my feelings and instincts in the pursuit of proof or facts. Proof and facts can be very useful and are certainly not unimportant, but it is a fact that some things cannot be proven. Some of what exists in life exists only within the human experience. One believes because they have experienced God and they have faith that God exists in this world.

It is very easy to find reasons not to believe in God and it is difficult to find God if you do not want to. As the verse goes, “Seek and ye shall find.” God is difficult to find if you search only with your mind rather than your whole self.

I’ve found the study of Philosophy to be very frustrating in my life, but Philosophers get at least one thing right- people need to believe in something. Some might say this is because it is human nature to need purpose and explanation in life, but I think it is because deep down we all know God. We all know God in a part of ourselves, but as individuals we choose whether to acknowledge this part or not.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Two steps forward...

Tomorrow is the last day (last exam) of my first year of law school. Taken alone it's quite an accomplishment. A year of a professional degree is something that not a lot of people accomplish, and, of course, it makes me that much closer to being a lawyer. This year, however, gives new meaning to the phrase "two steps forward, one step back."

While I've certainly accomplished something this year, I feel several steps further away from knowing what I want from this "accomplishment" than I did in August. Age has been like this for me. When I graduated from high school I had a clear plan for my life, but over time real life seeps into dreams. No dream lives up to its potential in execution.

In life, as the years have passed, I have gained a lot. Yet the time is approaching when I will have to decide what to do with the spoils. Really, that's what this latest accomplishment means. I draw ever closer to that moment where I have nothing left to do in preparation for life and I actually have to live it.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Yee haw!

Can I just say (now that the guy is out of the hospital and I won't feel too bad) I find it absolutely hilarious that Dick Cheney shot someone. Add the heart attack and well the late night copy practically writes iteself (read: David Letterman- "They found the WMD and its Dick Cheney).

If the Bush administration stays on coarse then we are just a few pretzel chokings, bike wrecks, gun control advertisments and blantant lies to the American public away from a more entertaining presidental term than even Bill Clinton was able to provide. (And I got quite a few laughs out of "the meaning of is" and "I did not have sexual relations with that women, Miss Lewinsky.")

Saturday, February 18, 2006

"Life is short, but wide."

A quote from Rebecca Wells in Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, which, despite what the butchered movie version might convey, is an immensley thought provoking, touch you down to your toes kind of book. What do the words mean? To me: you may not have a lot of time, but you have a lot of room to experiment. A kind of "stay the course" philosophy on life, if you will.

You can't read this book without thinking about your mother and thinking about what it really means to be a mother. If you never truly appreciated how much children can suck every last ounce of life and energy from a women then you will. Also as a child you will be forced to examine how what your parents did to you, with you, to each other, to themselves made you who you are today. Nurture over nature anyone?

This is territory I have already traveled. I had a pretty perfect childhood so mostly its, "thank God I have my parents and not someone elses (really doesn't make sense does it?)." Don't worry though if you don't have much to blame your parent's for...its extremely fun to turn this introspection onto others (for you, I mean, not them).

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Freshmen

When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

My best friend took a week's
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks' worth of
Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to
Slip, we'd say

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen

This felt valentine-y to me today. That's probably not good, please disregard this obvious cry for help.

Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.

p.s. please don't shoot

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


So I've been told this blog is funny. It's a lot of pressure to write something people want to read everyday (if you want proof then look at my last entry). I haven't been feeling particularly witty lately or up to entertaining anyone so I haven't written in awhile. Inspiration is a funny thing, normally to get inspired I need to see something inspiring. Wow that sure is deep (yes i know what you are thinking...duh!). Still, I dabble with writing stories, poetry and even occassionally art (although that particular medium would be better off without me). I usually feel like writing when I see or read something that impresses me or makes me think. Even a particulary good song will get the creative juices flowing. Sometimes when I know I really should make an entry but I'm not feeling very inspired I'll just read other blogs until one sparks something. More often then not if I can't be inspired then I can't write anything that is worth a crap.

that makes me feel unoriginal, because you should be able to inspire yourself right? Still I'm boring and everyone out there in the great wide world is interesting so why shouldn't that inspire me. So I guess what I'm saying is individual art, at least for me, is a matter of joint creativity. I'm glad there are lots of talented and different people out there because they help make my life interesting.

Friday, January 20, 2006

A little about a lot

So I'm smart. You aren't supposed to say you're smart, but I am and I will. I think that most people would be able to infer that. I'm in lawschool, you read my blog, you can tell I'm not a dumb person. That being said I am not crazy smart. I'm not a mensa candidate or a genius. I'm just regular person smart, hard work and good grades smart. Some people think I'm smarter than I really am. These people on some level are probably just as smart as me, but they have been fooled. Why? I know a little about a lot. Knowing a little about a lot makes people think you are really smart, people that is, that are not willing or interested enough to go beyond the surface. I can comment knowledgably on many subjects and that makes people think i know a lot, which isn't true, because all I really know is a little (about a lot).

Why do I know a little about a lot? I know because I ask. If I met you today and we had a conversation I would ask what you do for a living, I would ask you about your job in detail with interest and I would listen and ask more questions and when we were finished talking I would walk away with some of your knowledge. Every person you meet has some expertise and If you are interested they are more than willing to share a little of thier "smarts" with you. My friend is a waitress at a Japenese Steakhouse and I know how they divide the tips between the chefs and the servers, another friend works construction and I know what he builds, what products they sell, who does the estimates and who they outsource the jobs they don't take to, I know about haircolor because I ask my hairdresser, the list goes on...these seem like small things, but to me it's interesting. Don't you ever go through the McDonalds drive through and wonder what are the standard number of ketchups to give out or if they let this pimple faced sixteen-year-old count down his own drawer? Why not?

Do I have a point? Not really, only that I'm not so much smart as curious and that it really is a shame that more people don't care about learning something new each day, because it really isn't that hard.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Art of Self

There is something distinct about a labor of love. Something to be revered in the written word or a piece of art that is pure because it was not intended solely (or at all) for profit. It's like the difference between a handmade piece of furnature and something out of the factory but it is even more distinct. When I see such obvious craftsmanship I am always complelled to touch it, to lightly brush my hand over the smooth glossy surface because someone labored over this, they sanded and stained. We leave a distinct Locke-ian trace of ourselves in the work we do that we love. In the same way I am always compelled to touch books and paintings. I am compelled to run my fingers over raised letters on book covers and I must exert effort at art museums to stand behind the foot line because I want to touch the bumpy canvases.

I reserve my highest levels of respect for such creators of art. Party because I am jealous of what they can do and party because of their willingness to share. Writers are the epitome of these artists personified. I believe this is because the writer, above all, leaves very distinct traces of himself upon the page. When viewing a painting it is easy to come to many different interpretations regarding its meaning. If I did not know the story of Van Gogh I doubt if I would see anything sinister in the swirls of Starry Night at all. The written word, however, is so much more transparent and, in my mind, requires much greater effort.

Due to the nature of the art of writing, authors lend their most treasured posessions for our use. In this way, even the blaphemous Barnes and Noble that will stack Shakespeare a couple feet away from the latest "Survivor's Guide" coffee table book is one of the last places around to find something truly original. Words are the one thing that never lose thier value no matter how many times they are reproduced.

Never, Never

I heard today that you should never say never UNLESS you mean it enought to say it twice.

I will never, never...

Bungi jump or skydive (I'm just too chicken).

Blame my parents for the things that are wrong with my life.

Forget what it feels like to be young.

Get any more piercings.

Learn to accept the things I cannot change.

Give up.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Top Ten Reasons Why Abortion is the Biggest Issue Facing Supreme Court Nominees

10. It's the easiest way the democratic party could think of to harpoon Bush's nominees (and you know the number one mission of the democrats is to stop anything and everything Bush attempts to do regardless of what it is).

9. It's the only issue facing the nominees that the ignorant American public gives a rats ass about and/or understands.

8. Because women have the right to chose (especially the mistresses of all of Washington's finest).

7. Because a pro-life standpoint is the surest indicator of biggoted, gun-loving, religious right southern bumkin.

6. Because non-issues are the most fun to argue about.

5. Because there is no right answer (see "honey do I look fat in this").

4. Because the pool for "who can make the nominee's wife cry first" was up to 500 dollars.

3. No one likes an unborn fetus with rights (much like no one likes a feminist...hmmm ironic).

2. Because Roe v. Wade was the turning point for the court's constructing social morality through legal decisions and we all wish that the Supreme Court would make all of our decisions (would make that pesky vote counting thing so much easier).