Friday, June 30, 2006

Today in Sad, Funny and Annoying...

Sad: Nick and Jessica's divorce is final. Sad.

Funny: Hadji Girl. Have a feeling the response to this may get toward annoying though.

Annoying: Star Jones. At least when the heat dies down she won't have a daily forum for her annoying opinions.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Eye on the Prize

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the wonderful moment when I finally have a law degree, a job, and am freshly sanctioned to practice law by the Missouri Bar Association. I've been thinking about that golden age when I will be able to start real life. Real life = preparation is over and living has commenced. I'll save my musings on how weird it is that it takes roughly 1/4 of one's life to prepare for 2/4 s of one's life for a later time and for now will just say that I have been thinking about how I want a dog.

This is an odd thing, because I have always been particularly unfond of pets in general and dogs in particular. Lately, however, I've thought I might enjoy a very small dog. Small dogs have the benefit of making small messes and having small smells (two major pet deterrents in my opinion), and while I have always thought small dogs were generally extremely hyper, I have recently come to believe that temperment of the owner may have a lot to do with temperment of the dog. I am about as un-hyper as they come so this bodes well for pet ownership.

More peculiar perhaps is this sudden inclination to become a dog person. It is perhaps a sign that I am a bit lonley. A sign that, for the time being, I chose to ignore. I read somewhere that all single people should have a dog, because a dog makes you get up in the morning and no matter how you feel you have to take care of and be available for the dog. This rings pretty true for me nowadays. It's interesting to me that we often need others (human or animal) to keep us at our best. Many individuals are unwilling, unable or unmotivated to be at optimal levels only for themselves. As if we needed more proof that humans are social (political) animals.

Whatever the underlying reasons, I now find myself adding to the picture of my life in a way I never thought I would. Scary how these things sneak up on us.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

You are welcome!

A fellow blogger presents a question: What is the most important thing you've ever learned and how did you learn it?

Once you begin to think about it, this is clearly the hardest question that has ever been posed by man. Okay I may be exaggerating, but I think to answer the question in its current form is much too difficult or possibly much too simple. You can choose. Really, without any parameters to the question, the most important thing you've ever learned is probably something like how to speak, or walk, or read. So, in true lawyer form, I'm going to change the question to one I like better before I answer it.

What is the most important thing you've learned ABOUT LIFE and how did you learn it?

It's not quite as profound but it is far more managable. The most important thing i've learned about life I learned from my mother at a very young age and it is: LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

Now before you start crying like I did when I was five, I must insist you suck it up and accept this. It's true and it will help you. First of all it will help you not to be one of those damn whiners that everybody hates. Secondly, I have to tell you that becoming a hopelessly jaded pessimist now really saves time and disapointment in the future. Also, if you expect to get screwed over in life then you may be more willing to take responsibility for your mistakes. This will keep you from becoming one of those damn excuse-makers that everybody hates. Finally this knowledge may help you someday when you, as I have, decide to become part of the problem. I expect the knowledge that I'm manipulating a flawed legal system instead of corupting a good one will really help me sleep at night.

Now you all can say the most important thing you learned about life you learned from me.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Born & Raised in the Boondocks

I was raised in a small town in the Ozarks of Missouri. Cassville, population 2000, one school, two grocery stores, one fast food resturant until great place to grow up. By virtue of my small town roots I have had the pleaure of:

1. Attending a fish fry in a milk barn.

2. Attending a barn dance in a regular barn.

3. Playing in the woods.

4. Attending K through 8th grade in the same school building.

5. Have my Kindergarten teacher be my Sunday school teacher and my neighbor.

6. Having my father be several of my best friends' parents' boss.

7. Having seen the interior of a chicken plant.

8. Been in a car driven by a thirteen year old with parents' permission to do so.

9. Been to countless rodeos.

10. Been freinds with someone who goat ropes.

11. Been friends with an auctioneer.

I think most of these are experiences I wouldn't have had in a city. I have a special place in my heart for hick towns and good ole' boys.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Ode to Celebrity

What makes a King out of a slave? Celebrity! What makes the queen on the stage to wave? Celebrity! What makes the popstar change her bust in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the doctor guard her trust? Celebrity! What makes Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt the Seventh Wonder? Celebrity! What makes the paparazzi come up like thunder? Celebrity! What makes la-la land so hot? What puts the Id in Ridley Scott? What have they got that we ain't got?


You can say that again!

*adapted from cowardly lion speech from Wizard of Oz

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Things that "W" and K-Fed have in common.

Did you ever notice how much "W" aka President George W. Bush and K-Fed aka Kevin Federline aka Britney Spears' husband have in common?

1. Both have trendy, easy reference nicknames adopted by their critics.

2. Both like to nickname their homies.

3. Both have approval ratings of less than 35%.

4. Each has, at one time or another, been dubbed "America's Most Hated."

5. Both got their money from the south.

6. Each has corrupted something that was beautiful about America (Bush's accomplishments are too numerous to mention.)

7. Both have strong ties to the oil industry (K-Fed LOVES to hang out at gas stations.)

8. Both are good at starting things, but bad at sustaining them (W-the war, K-Fed-relationships).

9. Neither will make it past 2008.