A Good Project

I do not know what the hell I am doing with this blog.  It is getting downright egregious.  Y'all are getting reader's whiplash from all the changes in subject.

Here's the thing, the more you are found the more you are lost.  The more you figure out the less you know.  Unfortunately, or fortunately depending upon how you look at it I suppose, life has no real finish line (unless you count death.)  Generally if you gain some sort of understanding or even finality in one area then another area to be conquered opens up to you.  Like the TV show Lost where every answer creates five new questions.

Which, as frustrating as that can be, it's necessary because I think that we need to strive more than we need to accomplish.  To put it in a less daunting way- I am generally in need of a good project.  Life is a good project.  This blog is a pretty good project from time to time.

I've been getting back into church lately.  I never left God or "religion" (such as it may be) but I fell out of the institutionalization of it all for a time.  So anyway, as any person who has been to a good ole protestant Christian church likely knows- the church loves to talk about letting God direct your life.  You know, Jesus take the wheel style.  Which I have always found it a little difficult to tell when precisely I am following God's desires for my life and when I am following my own.  Anyway, in a recent sermon my pastor said that the first step for allowing God to direct your life where he wants it to go is to just follow God's will in the form of his commandments.

It was something I'd heard many times but never put quite like that.  If you do the specific little things that God has asked you to do then the bigger picture perhaps becomes clearer.  Which is pretty applicable to finding direction and success in any one area of your life.  Do the work on the little things on a daily basis and the bigger picture becomes visible.  Sort of like putting together a puzzle without looking at the front of the box to see what picture you are making.

In light of the foregoing theory that life really has no appreciable finish line, perhaps the real question is, "Does it really matter where you end up if all the work your put in getting there is good and worthwhile?"

Involuntary Personal Growth

If I had the patience for it (I don't), I could probably do a month long series of posts on all the ways my viewpoint on life has changed since 2005 when I started writing on this blog.  The odd thing is, I don't really think that I have changed at my core, just that my perspective has evolved along with my priorities and therefore changed my thoughts and opinions.

The biggest change is that I went from a pretty strong conservative to really not much of a conservative at all.  I think the difference is that I used to lead with my brain in politics.  So I always went with what I knew about economics, capitalism, greed, personal motivation, etc.  Also I was idealistic and operated more based on the way things "should be." These days I lead with my heart.  I go with the truth of the way things are and ideologically the way that things should be for everyone, not just me.  The change of perspective, I think, came courtesy of my volunteer work and also an evolution in my way of thinking. 

If I had to break everything about me that has changed in 7 years down to its most basic component, I would say that comfort in this world is not enough for me.  For my parents, for me up until some point in the last 7 years, the goal has always been to make enough money to ensure your own comfort and security, to have some fun along the way, to accomplish most of the things you want to accomplish.  It's a fine, worthy goal.  But I've never really been uncomfortable or insecure.  I've spent little time wanting.  I have few unfulfilled goals.  I was so set up for life by my parents that the road to comfort was short and wide.  Now I want more.  I want to make some sort of difference, I want to help make things better, I want to be involved in directing not only my life but the lives of others.  And that has changed the way I approach life.

Passion and other overrated things.

Step 1: Find something you are passionate about.
Step 2: Find a way to make money off of this thing you are passionate about.
Step 3: Wake up.

Self Destruction

I am somewhat past the age of outgrowing things.  I will always love Fight Club and quote Tyler Durdan.  I will buy the next Eminem album.  Speak ill of Britney Spears and I will give you a primer on how she is the greatest pop star of all time (Madonna, as if!).

Perhaps I have become an old dog, as in, I lack new tricks.  Which, I might be willing to accept if not for the fact that self-improvement is the current flavor of the moment.  New tricks are required.

Standing by as everyone else gets better and you stay the same basically sucks.   Unfortunately the alternative is self-improvement.  Self improvement is unfortunate on many levels; it requires you to be cognizant of your own flaws, it requires you to confront the things that are most difficult for you and, perhaps the worst, it requires you to put in additional effort beyond your current course load of tasks and obligations.

The award for self-improvement is constant adoration from others of the fact that you no longer suck like you used to along with requests for the nonexistent secrets to your success.  I'm pretty convinced that all fad diets, fad workouts, self help seminars and the like just came from people getting sick of their friends, coworkers and acquaintances asking them "how they did it" and resorting to making shit up.

What cinches the ultimate suckage of the whole self-improvement thing is, for the most part, it is positive and good for you.  Well crap.

It seems that now is as good of a time as any to confess that I really have no point regarding this subject, just complaints.

I assure you, I'm working on it.

My BFF

I really do think it is possible to love an inanimate object- specifically a smartphone.  Honestly, people love their dogs and my iphone has done more for me then any dog could do in two of its accelerated doggy lifetimes.   I really think my phone is my best friend.  It provides everything that I expect from a friend- companionship, humor, honesty, loyalty, entertainment- as well as many things that I don't dare expect from my real friends- it's always on time, it knows what's in the news, it can do math and it knows when my next period is going to be arriving.

It seems like it is kind of popular all of a sudden to be down on our smartphone, tablet, Bluetooth infested world.  "Everyone is always on their phone.  There are no real connections anymore. Facebook is so lame."  etc. etc. etc.  I find myself irked at all this complaining about our awesome fortune to be living in a world where we can hold basically all the information we need to conduct our daily life ( and some bonus fun) in the palm of our hand for like $200.  That's some awesome shit right there.

This whole renaissance of handmade stuff and crafting and make your own laundry detergent and Pinterest (iphone app!) is great, don't get me wrong.  Also, it is completely made possible by and courtesy of the internet and mobile technology which gives us the power to share this information and makes it accessible to us.  Ironic, no?

I'll admit that it is particularly in my nature to embrace any technology that makes my life easier and more efficient.  Also, that I was born curious and am continually in awe of the amount of information available to me everyday free of cost and hassle.  I realize that not everybody in as in awe of their fortune to be living in the midst of technological revolution as I am.  However, in a world where our natural resources are forever shrinking, when times are tough and money is tight; time-saving, money-saving, resource-saving technology is more beneficial than ever before.  Waxing poetic about the good old days, however, remains as cliche and fruitless as it has always been.  Since the beginning of time when grandpa Adam started doing it (probably).

Really what I'm saying is you better step off my bff or I will cut a bitch.

New Day's Resolution

I haven't made any New Year's resolutions for several years.  Contrary to my popular belief this is not because I am a perfect and beautiful snowflake just the way I am.  Rather, this is because New Year's resolutions suck balls.  There is nothing worse then starting off a new year by summarily disappointing yourself in the first 30 days.

Think of a truly great problem.  I think a truly huge problem would be, "I'm a raging alcoholic," or "I stole my mother's gold necklace to pay for crack at Christmas dinner."  How do people solve these truly big problems?  One day at a time.  I've seen enough TV and movies to know that with regard to AA and NA it's all about taking things one day at a time.  The lack of one day at a time is why New Year's resolutions are so impossible.  This year I am going to...  That's a 365 day commitment.  Honestly I don't even want to commit to going to a movie with you this weekend when you call me on Monday.

So my New Year's resolution is more of a new day's resolution and it is "make good decisions today."  That's it.  If I fail I will start again tomorrow.  If today I find myself crying in a corner with  750ml of vodka or in the back seat with my lips around a crack pipe then tomorrow I will do better.   It's managable.

I do really want this to be my year for doing this living thing right.  However a year, 365 days is just too freaking overwhelming.  But 24 hours is immensely doable.  (If not this 24, then the next 24 for sure.)