Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Reasons not to blog...

Hi there! Remember me? If you are reading this your are probably 1) my mom 2) really loyal 3) lost (Sorry!) 4) someone who knows me in real life (Gasp! It scares me that you are here.) 5) looking for things to do before you turn 18. Seriously- that last one, responsible for over half of the visitors to this here modest blog. Google searches for things to do before you turn 18 directing visitors to this post. Yes, I know, you are disappointed.

Anyway- where were we? Reasons not to blog. Just an innocuous little list, not in any way related to the fact that I haven't posted a character to this site in about six months. Certainly shouldn't be construed as a list of excuses. I am above excuses people.

1. You don't have time. I mean like say, hypothetically, you move back to your home town and start a new job. And say, hypothetically, you have almost no idea what you are doing at said job and figuring that out can take some time. Say in fact, hypothetically OF COURSE, that really the only thing you actually know how to do in life is go to school with healthy intermittent seasonal vacations- I mean HYPOTHETICALLY.

2. You can't really talk about anything in your life. Like maybe you have the sort of job that has confidentiality requirements. Or perhaps your friends have discovered your blog- like, really, they are possibly reading it right now.

3. You are super busy procrastinating. I mean you have A LOT of other blogs to read and, the Twilight saga- that shit ain't gonna read itself four times. Also, television, it's a big commitment. How are you supposed to be a productive member of society if you don't know who got kicked off Project Runway or what Speidi are fighting about this week? This is serious stuff.

4. You are too busy making excuses. It really does take a lot of time and effort to make up say, HYPOTHETICALLY, six months of excuses for not writing on your blog.

Of course I'm just presenting these reasons for your information and enjoyment. Clearly I have no reason not to blog- that's just ludicrous. Of course I'll be blogging. I'll be back tomorrow. You believe me don't you?

Friday, May 01, 2009

Seriously, you'll throw the golden gate in free?

One thing that I never really realized about myself until adulthood is that I am pretty gullible. Looking back it seems I may have been the last one to figure that out. Relatedly (horrible transition but let's go with it), one thing that I have known about myself for quite a while that other people may not know is that I have a propensity for blocking out some of the more unpleasant situations that I have encountered in life. I believe professionals in the field of psychology call this DENIAL. Suffice to say that you could come up to me and apolgoize for something mean you did to me 10 years ago and there is a large chance I wouldn't remember it.

However, lately I have been having brain tickles regarding some of the more outrageous things I was tricked into believeing by my "friends" back in my elemetary and middle school days. (Brain tickles being latent memories that are slowly surfacing- I'm sure it's perfectly normal.) It's weird because I had sort of idealized these childhood friendships and now I'm starting think that I grew up with a bunch of assholes.

One girl had me totally believing that her uncle was Tom Petty, which now I'm seriously doubting was the case. (It may have helped that I pretty much had no idea who Tom Petty was.) I'm declining to go into some of the other things that I'm pretty sure might have been blatant lies for the amusment of others, but I have to point out how ridicous it is that I NEVER realized that these were jokes. Like as in never before I moved away from that town forever and never as in I believed, and referred to, these "jokes" for years of my childhood.

Here's the thing, my problem has always been that I ALWAYS tell the truth. I tell the truth when it hurts, I tell the truth when people don't want to hear it, I am a blunt axe of truth. So I just expected for many, many years that when a person said something to me, that wasn't laced with sarcasm, that they were being sincere.

I don't really have a point- other than it's a little crazy what you all of a sudden realize. Also, the obvious: I'm totally in the market for some oceanfront property in Arizona.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Barak Obama is my needy ex-boyfriend.

He only writes when he needs money; which, apparently, is always.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

OMG my face hates me.

My. face. hates. me. EXTRA PERIODS INCLUDED...

A brief history in [some currently undefined amount of] parts:

Up until about 4 years ago I had a cute little thing I'll refer to as: Life Without Stress. Where school, study for 5 minutes, flip hair, laugh, talk on phone, repeat. Then: lawschool = life with stress= AHHH pimple-pimple-pimple. (Also, hello punctuation nightmare.) All those years of having a perfectly clear face while using ORANGE colored drug store cleanser and then all of a sudden- face death. I needed a new skin care regimen pronto. Enter Proactiv.

Proactiv was all kinds of awesome at getting rid of blemishes but was also crack for face. Is made out of paint thinner, gasoline and Lucifer's saliva. It came with a sulfur mask (seriously-not joking) and is addictive. I did not want my face to look good at 25 and peel off when i was 40 so I stopped using it and started looking for something a little less harsh. Really what I wanted was something unmediated with natural ingredients. I reasoned that my face problem had been temporary and was under control. My face said, "Give me back my crack AHHH pimple-pimple-pimple."

Since then I have tried many cleansers/ing systems. Have tried: Bare Escentuals mineral cleanser stuff. Did not work. Smells funky. Smells even funkier as it gets old. Was gross. Have tried: Baby face stuff from Lush. Was weird and non wet. Needed washcloth (only have one). Did not work. Have tried: Mary Kay. Was lotion-y. Always forgot to order more until too late. Did not work.

However, I think I have finally found my savior. His name is BURT BEE. I can't believe I didn't call him sooner because I have been worshiping his lip balm since aforementioned Years Without Stress. I use: Citrus face scrub, tomato toner and deep pore scrub twice a week. Plus I treat blemishes with the blemish stick thing. So far, this is awesomeness and I even think my face is starting to forgive me.