Defensive Driving

Never heard the term Defensive Driving? Clearly you weren't raised in my home. Don't worry, I'm here to help you understand.

Basic Presumptions of Defensive Driving:
1. You are the only person on the road with adaquate driving skills. Everyone else only passed their tests through sheer luck or by sleeping with the examiner.
2. Everyone on the road is an idiot who is 1-2 seconds from ramming into you.
3. Defensive driving is the only thing standing between you and a horrible fiery death.

How to drive defensively:
1. Never trust a blinker. A blinker does not mean someone is turning. People don't know what they are for and use them wholly for thier own amusement. They also may be fascinated by the funny clicking sound it makes.
2. Never trust a green light. A green light does not mean go, it means pause and make sure that one last car isn't speeding through the intersection before proceeding. Contrary to popular belief, people do not let themselves be controlled by stoplights. To some people red simply means drive faster.
3. If there is a car stopped a crossroads to the street you are driving on, they are most certainly waiting for the opportunity to pull out in front of you. Slow down and poise your hand on the horn to fire a warning shot should they decide to move at all from thier standing position. Honk if they blink.

If you fail to untilize the basic tenants of Defensive Driving you will most certainly be involved in an accident. When you are it will be your fault. Even if the officers on the scene assess that it was the other driver's mistake that caused the collision, your father will most certainly say, "You should have been driving defensively."