Monday, March 22, 2010

The is.

I know this blog seems all over the place. I think that it's because- scratch that, I know that it' s because I, personally, am all over the place. I've always been a bit moody. This attribute being somewhat redeemed by that fact that my less desirable moods never last long.

Lately I feel like I fluctuate from super inspired and motivated, to completely exhausted, to totally overwhelmed, to beyond over it and indifferent, to calm, to stressed, to content, to get me the everliving hell out of here. I think I am currently in the process of re-inventing my comfort zone. For a while after life changes you just sort of live in the change. You think about how it was and you envision how it will be but you live somewhere in between the was and will be.

You allow yourself to do this- live in the change- because it's only fair that you should have time to adjust and feel comfortable with the will be. Then somewhere along the way you stop living in the change. Not voluntarily, more like the change kicked you out because the was became irrelevant and the will be didn't materialize and all of a sudden everything just "is". The space you occupy is no longer the change but the "is". And if you aren't yet comfortable with the "is" the change can't be your excuse for that any longer.

I have to become comfortable in the "is". This was all new and now it's not anymore and I need to adjust to that and make this my comfort zone. It's funny though, the end of change came before the beginning of comfort. That's where I am now- clear of the change and short of the comfort. So I guess you could say I am accepting of the "is" but not comfortable with it yet. Kind of like an acquaintance that I've decided to make a friend but am not quite ready to tell my secrets.

1 comment:

WifeTo166 said...

So I am kinda pissed that I hadn't read this until now. Consider this your official invite to another night of way too late talking. I can totally relate to what you are saying and have pondered this same idea. Of course you articulate it way better than I could.