I had to get that Dorkorama off the top of the page. Trust me, I know that normal people do not spend so much time formulating Lost theories. But it's not that I am sitting around making notes on Lost theories on my legal pads- it just something that occupies my mind, you know, like in the shower, or while I'm driving, or falling asleep at night.
One time my boss asked me about the status of a case out of the blue. He said, "I woke up in the middle of the night and thought about Blank matter." All I could think was, "You woke up in the middle of the night thinking about a case?" And to be honest, if thinking about ridiculous, pointless things like Lost theories instead of stressing about work keeps this from being my future then I will never stop being a dork. (Hint: I will never stop being a dork either way.)
This has been a rough week and a half or so. You get those from time to time. Where it feels like nothing you do is right and everyone is unhappy with you or bitching at you. And one day when I was particularly in the trenches my boss said a couple of things that resonated with me. The type of things that I think I might still be saying to myself in 10 years. One was to "keep your confidence up." Which is really so important. I mean, if you don't believe in your own abilities then how can you make other people believe that you are capable. So at the times when you feel most incapable you need to feel the most confident in your abilities because just that confidence will go a long way toward making you capable.
The second thing was that with the work we do- really mentally draining work- it is important to not let yourself work until you are completely drained. Until your eyes glaze over and your body feels limp. Because the thing is, everything has to be quality and one mistake will sink the ship. The more tired you are the more apt you are to not only make mistakes but to just half-ass stuff. And oftentimes around here that last 10% effort is what keeps us out of trouble. Not to say that it isn't a necessity to work long or hard, but to also be aware of your own limitations and take sanity breaks, walk around, run an errand-whatever.
I'm learning more and more that I really have to be methodical in my work. I have always been the "git r done" type when it comes to tackling a job and I am the type to work until the job is done. I'm learning that I need to schedule my work more, take breaks, knock off if the job is too big for one day. I didn't think that I would end up here when I started- I thought I could be easy, breezy don't take it too seriously lawyer girl. But really there is no pride in not taking something too seriously and, as always, there is pride in a job well done.